Heart Of Gold
by weetabex94
Summary: Bella has accepted that her live will not be normal when she is diagnosed with a heart disease. She knows that all that she ever wanted in life (love, growing old, marriage, family) are not a possibility but will spending her last days in her home town change everything?...Rated M for language and content
1. Chapter 1:Intro to Hell

Comparison is a bitch. It can rip you up into tiny little pieces of your old self and throw you to the dogs for feeding. It can make you feel so small inside that you wish someone would rip you up and get it over with. All my life i have been graced with the pleasure of sharing the lime light with my twin sister, Tanya. Well when i say sharing i mean, 99:1, me being the 1 of course. My parents only wanted one boy and one girl and one year previous to my entrance to this good forsaken fucked up world, my brother and confidant, Emmett was born. When my mother found out she was pregnant again and it was a girl, she was over the moon with joy. When she found out it was two? Not so much. I was essentially the fifth wheel in the family, the runt if you will. I was never wanted and have been told that from a very early age.

Tanya was this outgoing, all-round American girl who was tall, had dirty blond locks, hazel orbs, was president of everything, that wasnt acedemic, and "friends" with all the football team. i was petite and skranny, i had brown hair and eyes that resembled a "shit" shade and pale skin. I was president of the music society because that was the only society you actually had to have talent to get in to. While Tanya had her group of friends that a minority wanted to be her and a majority wanted to be in her, I had my really friends that got me by.

Take my best friend in this shithole, Jasper Whitlock, who commenced our friendship by playing barbies with me in the kindergarten sandbox and to this day denies it. He is a self-proclaimed surf-rocker who pisses on pop like its a sport, with the help of myself, while looking like Shaun Cassidy in the 70's with shoulder-length blond hair and brown eyes. He denies that too.

Jaspers sister Rosalie is every mans dream, or so she says. Her bleach blond hair, her baby-blue blinders and modelesque figure to die for. She is very intellegent to top it all off and her one passion in life is cars. But her orbs only see one man and he so happens to be my oaf of a brother.

My mother was a big problem for me all my life. She ensured that i felt unwanted and inferior to Tanya because i wasnt the golden child. When we were eight, for christmas i wanted my first guitar and i begged and pleaded santa for months. Tanya on the other hand wanted a dresser fully stocked with makeup and that was what she was getting. Now our family had a tradition that the presents were left, by Santa, at the bottom of our bed not under the tree. I always found this tradition disturbing as some fat guy in a suit not only knew which house we lived in but also what room was ours. On Christmas eve, after many bottles of wine, my parents proceeded to carry out the tradition. So that Christmas morning i woke up to a giant barbie dream dresser complete with barbie make up and jewelery set while Tanya jumped for joy at the semi- acoustic at the end of her bed that she had wanted for months. Being the eight year old i was i ranted and raved that that was my present but to no avail. I had no time for girly presents like a stupid dresser. That was the christmas i had dinner in my room after being told to suck it up and let Tanya have her fun.

For the month of January i cursed the fuckers who invented the amp as Tanya had not a musical note in her noggin to start with let alone when she trys to play like Gene Simons. Although i doubt she knows who he is. After a while she gave up and moved on to something else but i was still not to touch or even look at the sacred guitar for fear of me breaking it. And then when the guitar did mysteriously break in the middle of April, i was blamed for its untimely end. Even though i had witnessed Tanya smash it against the wall. Her word against mine.

At the age of thirteen i started to "blossom" as they say. My skranny-ness was being slowly taken over by two melons that hurt like a bitch. When little 'ol Tanya noticed one day at swimming lessons, she complained to mommy dearest. I was actually in trouble for having brests. That weekend, we went out shopping for a "girls day out". Tanya got a push-up bra while i got a sports bra that was designed to push-in and there for to the complete stranger Tanya got the double D gene.

When i was fourteen, my parents had had enough of each other and divorced. My mother got us twins and we were moved to Forks, Washington where my grandma lived, away from everything i loved. Tanya constantly reminded me that the split was my fault and that i was the devils child for doing this to my parents. The devils child indeed i was. When we moved to "sunny" Forks, my mother developed a greater drinking problem than before and so the torment worsened. We only saw Charlie at school holidays and Christmas, this ment i didnt get to see my friends or Emmett as he stayed in Phoenix to go to high school there.

They were only some of the horror stories that were my life. The worst of all was when i was fifteen and was fainting and sleeping a lot. I was staying at Charlies for Easter break when he noticed my newly found habits. He took me to the hospital because he knew there was something wrong. Fourteen days later i diagnosed with Dilated Cardiomyopathy. It was where my heart couldnt pump blood around my body due to my left ventricle being weakened from a hidden family history of Thyroid disease on my mothers side. They put me on drugs and ensured i was ok to live life. Through the three months i went through hell going back and forth to the hospital to get more drugs and treatment for my disease, my mother consoled my sister who was weeping over the fact that i was so selfish to bring this up on the family just after she had won a cheerleading competition. My bad.

The year i turned eighteen, going into senior year in the fall, was the year i took for the worst. And this is where my story begins...

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let me know what you think, whether i should continue :)


	2. Chapter 2: Where it began

"_Oh, Brad. I knew you loved me back. But...what about Angelina?" I said looking into my newly proclaimed lovers eyes._

"_What about her? She means nothing to me now." Ahh, music to my ears._

"_Aaa...and the children? Can you leave them too?"_

"_Anything for you my sweet."Brad leaned into kiss me. I shut my eyes and waited for impact._

"_Bella." I opened my eyes to see his staring back into mine. He repeated._

"_Bella" Why did he sound like Tanya?_

"_BELLA!" It took me a moment to realise that was not coming from Brad's mouth._

"_Bella, wake the fuck up or I swear to GOD I will smother you with this pillow here and now!" _

My eyes flew open only to find my twin sister nose to nose with me.

"Jesus Christ, its like waking the dead when it comes to you. Mom says you've got to get up." She leant back and walked to the door of my room. Placing her hand on the door frame, she stopped herself and looked back at me, probably to give my first, of many, insults of the day.

"And do us all a favour, wash your teeth before you come within a two-mile radius of another human being." Like clock-work. As she stormed out, and clicked her freakishly high pumps of the wooden floor, i childishly flipped her the bird, gesturing my gratitude for the wake up call I received. I stretched before swinging my legs out the side and attempted to get up.

After about the third try and a little pep-talk to myself of all the reasons i _should _get up, i rose to my feet. Noticing how swollen my feet were, I took my time getting my clothes and heading to the bathroom to carry out my morning routine. Shutting the door, I turned to look in the mirror. What I saw was not what I expected.

Looking back at me was a girl who was so pale she faded into the white tiles on the wall behind her. Her eyes were tired and i cringed to look at them. Her hair looked lifeless and just hung. Although she made the same movements i did at the same time and resembled me in some way, i tried to convince myself that she wasnt me. It didn't work, go figure. I turned my back to the mirror and got stripped and jumped into the shower. Taking my sweet-ass time, just to piss Blondie off.

Fifteen looong minutes later, after taking heed of my sisters advice, i was walking down the stairs of our house and into the kitchen. There stood a beautiful bitch who happened to be my mother and her evil little minion.

"I think I might possibly fall off this chair Bella, you actually managed to roll out of bed and slide down the stairs." Renée remarked from her chair at the table. She took a sip from the coffee she was holding and fixed the hem of her shirt.

"The breakfast you made was divine. Oh, no wait. _I_ made breakfast. I shall pat myself on the back for that." Tanya sarcastically said. I took one look at the plate she was holding and feared that my stomach content was about to make an appearance. I think it was _ment_ to be scrambled egg.

"Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the angels. _You_ made breakfast? Well, I never." I snipped back as I went to reach for the press that contained pop tarts. I was _not_ touching any shit that she cooked. She had already wasted all of her bank of sarcastic comments for the day and resorted to sticking her tongue out at me. As i reached for the pop tart, i realised i wasnt hungry and decided for a glass of water instead. After downing it in what should now be a Guinness World Record, I walked out to the hall and bent down to retrieve my school bag and coat. Standing up to quickly, I got a head rush and the room started spinning, only going back to its original position twenty seconds later.

"If your going, get ready. I'm leaving now." I barked at my sister, pleasantries did not exist in our house. I got my keys from the hook behind the door and opened it. The fresh air was always something that soothed me. It was clean and crisp and cold in my lungs. I headed over to my old truck. It was red, originally but you couldn't tell now with the paint wear, and had a big dent in the side of it but I loved it. It was mine. Our Grandpa owned it back when it was brand new and handed it down to my dad who in turn handed it down to me. i hopped in the cab and started the engine and waited for lady muck. She stormed out of the house and slammed my door as she hauled herself in.

"Hey! Watch it. This truck is older than you, treat it with respect." I defended my truck.

"Yeah your right, it is older than me. Ergo, get a fucking new one. Do you know how embarrassing it is to arrive in this?" she yelled.

"Your just jealous I have a set of wheels. _Ergo_, when you get money don't blow it on shit and save up so you can get a car and then you can haul your own ass to school!" I retorted as I backed out of the drive way. I was not feeling well as it was and didn't need this bullshit. Thank God it was Friday. She huffed and sat back crossing her arms. I had peace for the fifteen minutes it took to get to the school.

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"_Had i known, how to save a life."_ With the last strum, the person playing the guitar took their applause and sat down.

"Thank you Angela, that was beautiful." Said our music teacher, Mr. Ward. It was the last class before lunch and the one l loved the most. For the last few weeks of school, Mr. Ward was getting everyone in the class to sing two songs each week on a Friday. They were randomly picked and thankfully mine was not this week. For the last five classes I wasnt feeling well and i just prayed for the bell to signal the end so that i could go to my car and prepare myself for the last three classes.

As i turned my head to the left to see the next performer, the room started spinning and this time wouldn't stop. I slide off my chair and grabbed onto what ever I could find. It just so happened to be Angela's hand. As I hit the ground, the air flew out of my lungs and Mr. Ward screamed .

"BELLA! Kevin, get the nurse. QUICKLY!" Mr. Ward grabbed my head and held me as I started to see black spots. They started to annoy me so I tried closing my eyes to see if that would get rid of them.

"No! Bella, look at me ok. Your going to be ok. Keep looking at me sweetie" I tried with all my might but I couldn't do it any longer. I could hear loads of voices all around but it sounded like I was in a tunnel and I couldn't hear them clearly. I heard a womans voice in the distance and cold hand on my face but I didn't care. The sleepiness was too much and I closed my eyes. shutting out the world.

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Wow. Thank you all sooo much for the response I got from Chapter 1. I genuinely was not expecting that! this is chapter two, so I hope you enjoy it :)


	3. Chapter 3: Dealing with the Devil

**Hi Guys, first before I let you read Chapter 3. I would like to thank each and every one of you that has added this story to your favorites your alerts, added ME as a favorite author or have reviewed. They all mean so much to me. I was planning to publish once a week but my granda has just died and so for the next while grin and bear it with me if im a bit slow to update. He means the world to me and so im dealing with a lot of shit at the moment. So...yeah keep reviewing, telling me what you think and all and enjoy :)**

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_"Beep...beep...beep...beep" _

_Good fuck that noise is annoying. It sounded like a broken down record playing one fucking note. _

_"Beep...beep...beep...beep" Seriously, what the fuck is that? Gah, this is what insanity felt like!_

"I'm afraid Mrs. Swan, that Bella's heart is losing the battle. The disease has caused it to slow down and thus the cause of her fainting. The Problem is we have exhausted every option. The bypass surgery didn't work." Said a voice in the distance.

"What are you say?" that was my dad's voice, he sounded tired.

"What I'm saying, Mr. Swan, is that Bella's only option at the moment is to get a transplant very soon or her heart will give out completely and she will die". I could faintly hear the soft cry of my mother but my ears could have been deceiving me. The "voice's" words floated through my head like they did in those cartoons.

She. Will. Die.

Great, it looked like the gods were against me.

"Well, is there anything we can do? I mean, I'm not sitting around here watching, waiting for her die and do nothing!" Emmett said. My dad's hushed voice told my brother to calm down but it just sounded like he was getting more riled up.

I thought it was a good time as any to wake up and so I slowly, but surely, opened one eye. Then the other, and then finally I could see the world. And fuck did it hurt. Why in the baby Jesus' name do hospitals lights have to be so god damn bright? I did a mental run through my body to see where hurt and came to the conclusion that pretty much everywhere did so there was no point in trying to pin-point.

"Bells, oh honey you had us so worried!" Charlie was the first to rush to my side and almost kill me with a hug. Next was my brother.

"La-La, you literally scared the shit out of me, ask Rosie." Now I'm not sure what started the laughing, it could have been the ridiculous name he christened me at birth, and stopped using when I was ten, or the fact that at 18, he had just admitted to shitting his pants, but whatever it was, I was glad. It made me feel human again and not this ball of pain on a bed. He hugged the bejesus out of me and refused to let go when my mother saw it fit to display a sense of compassion towards me.

"Isabella, I was so worried when I got the call from your school." Wow, this was not the bitch that reared me. "I had to cancel my nails appointment and all to rush down here! Do you know how hard it is to get an appointment at Gino's? Well, you wouldn't. But your sister would. God Bella, you pick the most inconvenient times" aaaaaaaaaand there she was.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Next time I schedule a faint, I'll be sure to consult you as to a time that best suits." I snapped back as Emmett helped me sit up. He fixed the pillows into a position that I could sit against and I leant back into them.

"Do not get crabby with me young lady. I have been in this rank hospital for 6 hours. Six hours! And your poor father and brother had to get a flight all the way from Phoenix. All just because of this, this, this...FALSE ALARM".

"False alarm to what Renee? My death? Because by the sounds of things, we should be setting up a countdown calendar. It's not a fucking false ala-"

"Don't use that language or that tone with me, sick or no sick I will punish you" interjected my mother. I pretended she didn't say anything and continued.

"It's not a false alarm, it is a warning of what's to come" I turned to Charlie and Emmett "I'm sorry guys for dragging you down to NOT watch me die. It seems I was being inconsiderate" They laughed.

"Oh, I don't know how I will forgive you for making me miss a week off school to go down here. I mean, I don't know how I will function without Mrs. McGregor and her Algebra!" Emmett said in his best sarcastic tone that he could muster. He was close enough that I was able to play punch him, but I realised too late that it would hurt me. Not him.

"Fucker" I hissed rubbing my knuckles, earning a stern look from Beelzebub. Said fucker laughed at my mistake and playfully soothed the not-so-hurt spot on his arm.

"Who said it was a week off?" Charlie asked. Emmett used his best puppy eyes but they had no effect on the King of puppy eyes who with one mere look could get him anything he desired. Or so he thought. Calling his only son a tool, Charlie walked over to me and sat down on the bed.

"How do you feel sweetie?" he asked.

"I'm tired and feel like I was hurled through a meat grinder several times." I replied as he poured me a glass of water.

"Here, drink this and take the meds the doc gave." I gulped the water, underestimating my thirstiness. Renee's phone shrilled out a shit rendition of 'Girls just want to have fun' and she excused herself. When the bitch closed the door turned and looked between my dad's chocolate eyes and Emmett's.

"Can I move to Phoenix with you guys? I mean if I'm really dying I don't want to be here for my last months. I want to be home with my real friends and the heat". For dramatic effect, I added "God I miss the heat" and put my head in my hands to complete. Charlie and Emmett laughed, and I silently thanked someone that they had the same sense of humour as I do.

"Baby you can do whatever you want to do. If you want to move into the 'Bachelor Pad' then it's at your own risk. But we would love to have you. And plus, we don't know for sure yet if that's what's gonna happen. They have to run more tests. For all we know it might me a bad case of heartburn." I laughed at that. I hugged Charlie and Emmett in one of those awkward three-person hugs when Renee waltzed in and spoiled the moment.

"That was Tanya, her practice is finished" oh! I forgot about my sister.

"Is she coming up to the hospital?" asked Charlie.

"No. She was asking to go to her friend's house. Why would she come up here?" Renee asked that as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Charlie looked at me and I looked at Emmett in one of those group knowing looks. Blissfully unaware of the look, Renee checked her nails causing Charlie to huff in one of those dramatic ways.

"Bella is moving back to Phoenix with me. I will not have my daughter here any longer." Charlie blurted. Renee rechecked her nails, like she could have broken them in the last two seconds since their last check. While she casual countered his statement.

"Not what the judge ruled. Not going to happen."

"Fuck this Renee. Outside. Now." Charlie all but dragged her out of the room, leaving me and my oaf of a bro alone for the first time.

"So. How are you really feeling?" he asked. Emmett and I always had that special connection that allowed us to feel what the other was feeling without them actually saying anything. When we were little I knew when Emmett had let off a silent assassin before anyone did just by looking at him. In those situations I would discreetly leave the room so that the smell would not attack my senses. Hearing the chorus of "Emmett" moans as the scent hit them one by one was as much fun as a six year old could get.

"I'm scared, Em. I don't know how to face the world if this is my last few months left in it." I whispered. He silently held my hand and kissed my forehead. He opened his mouth to say something.

"SHE IS MY FUCKING DAUGHTER TOO RENEE, AND I WILL NOT HAVE HER BEING TREATED LIKE FUCKING CINDERELLA IN HER LAST FEW MONTHS. SHE IS COMING HOME WITH ME TO THE FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT ACTUALLY LOVE HER." Charlie said, not so quietly. Emmett shared a knowing look with me that meant 'shit had hit the fan and it was a mighty load'.

"Shall I make some popcorn? This will be a fight of epic proportions" Emmett asked to lighten the mood. I silently laughed and we tuned into the not-so-subtle fight in the corridor.

"ARE YOU IMPLYING I DONT LOVE MY DAUGHTER?" Renee asked like she was dumbfounded at this accusation.

"I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT. I AM STATING: YOU LOVE TANYA. YOU DONT LOVE BELLA. THAT POOR GIRL HAS DEALT WIHT YOUR SHIT HER WHOLE LIFE AND HAS TOOK IT IN HER STRIDE, MAKING HER A STRONGER PERSON THAN ANY OF US WILL EVER BE." Charlie took a breather, before continuing at a much lower volume.

"She is going to DIE Renee. Do you understand that? Our little girl is going to die and there is nothing we can do but wait til some poor fucker dies and gives her their heart. She wants to be home" Captain Charlie to the rescue.

"She is home" Renee interjected.

"This is not home for her. This is her prison. This is yours and Tanya's home. But not Bella's. She asked me to come home and I'll be damned if I let you or anybody else stop me from granting her that wish." Charlie finished with a sigh. Renee burst into the room.

"Is this true?" I decided to play dumb and pretend I didn't know what she was talking about. I sighed for effect. She shooed Emmett out of the way and came up close out my face.

"Is what true mom?" She gave me one of those 'don't fucking play with me' looks. Ah shit, she knew I was listening in. I sighed, defeated, and answered.

"Yes, I want to go home, this isn't my home. Never has, never will be." I looked down at my fingers, suddenly finding them very interesting.

"Do you hate me Isabella? I have given you very thing you have ever wanted and this is how you repay me? You don't want to die with me beside you?" give me a D-R-A—M—A-Q—U—E—E-N. What does that spell? Renee, the lying bitch. I awkwardly avoided eye contact not wanting to actually answer the question but knowing I had to.

"...Hate...is such a strong word...-"

"Oh for fuck sake Isabella, spit it out!" Renee snipped in.

"It's more like strongly despise. Or dislike." I felt the need to defend my argument and continued before she could put her two cents in. "You never do anything for me and treat me like I'm a peasant in yours and Tanya's land. I never get what I want unless I pay for it myself and that's hard when I see you devoting your life to Tanya and all her needs. Some days I think you forget you even gave birth to two babies that day." With a deep breath, I finished my speech and looked at the three faces in the room.

Emmett was sitting in the corner with a grin that looked like it hurt plastered on his. Charlie was beaming with pride and the she-demon was in shock. She turned to Charlie and stormed over, slapping him when she got there. Pretty fucking hard from where I was.

"This. This is your fault, you bastard. You are after brainwashing her into thinking all this bull and all because you want her to go with you!" she screamed in Charlie's face. Then turning to me she had a look of pure evil on her face. Pointing her finger at me, she stalked towards the bed.

"And as for you, you ungrateful, lying, deveining and manipulative little bi-"

"Whoa there Sally. Don't finish that sentence if you don't want to leave this room with a broken nose. That is MY daughter you are speaking to and she will not be spoken to in that way. Leave now Renee. I will be over to collect Bella's stuff later on and the three of us will be leaving for Phoenix as soon as Bella is discharged." Charlie calmly said like he was announcing the weather.

"You can't tell me what to do" Renee childishly said.

"Would you like to test that theory Renee?" catching on that Charlie meant business, Renee shut up. Looking at me she said "I hope your happy" in a way that screamed feeling sorry for oneself. I looked her straight in the eye

"Immensely" was my one worded reply. I looked away and over to Emmett who knew what I was asking. He walked over and took my hand.

"Well, fuck this shit. Goodbye then." With that the demon was slayed. Charlie collapsed in the chair on the opposite side of the bed and sighed.

"I thought she'd never fucking leave. I think I aged ten years in the last thirty seconds." Were his words to break the silence. Emmett thought this was hilarious and stuck his fist out, reaching over my bed, to Charlie, who looked at it and then back at Emmett.

"Your meant to fist-pump him dad, that's what it means. He's acknowledged that as a good joke and this is to congratulate you. So to speak" I thought it best to explain the situation to Charlie. He said "Ohh" and then bumped fists with his son, laughing while doing so.

After three games of 'snap' that ended badly (no we didn't learn the first or second time) and two visits from the doc, I was almost a free woman. The first thing on the agenda, after I left this dump, was to get some god damn food. The 'food' provided in the hospital was in its own category on the food pyramid and not even Emmett-the tank-Swan could eat it. We were about to start a game of bullshit when the doctor paid me a visit.

"Hello Bella, how are you feeling?" I was rapidly losing my patience with this doctor. He had a knack for treating me like I was eight and asking the most obvious questions. Doctors walking on eggshells around their patients should get a right fucking hook to the face.

"Same as I was two hours ago: tired, hungry and doped up." I said with as little emotion as a teddy bear.

"Well you will be glad to know that I'm discharging you then. Your dad has informed me that you will be staying in Phoenix with him, so I will notify the doctors at the local hospital there of your condition. If you have any chest pains or shortness of breath or feel dizzy in any way Bella, you need to tell someone straight away and get to the hospital. Ok?" I nodded silently, not trusting my voice. Shit just sunk in. The doctor turned to Charlie

"Charlie, can I get to fill out the papers. Outside?" Subtle. Not. Charlie nodded and the doctor led the way. I watched as they walked out and continued to watch even when they weren't at the door anymore. I didn't know what to do.

"Bells?" Emmett sounded so far away

"Bella?" he tried again

"You know it's going to be ok, don't you? I won't let anything happen to you." With that void of confidence from Emmett, I let that one tear slide down my cheek, silently. Emmett rushed over and wrapped his arms around me. Awkwardly I might add. I wasn't a crier, and even then I just sat there. Emmett blubbered like a girl.

"She's not going to die Emmett, give the girl some credit. She's not a quitter." Charlie said as he stood watching us from the door. "Isn't that right Bella?" he asked walking over to the other side, the side that wasn't occupied by Emmett, of the bed. I nodded slowly.

"Em, can you get my clothes?" I asked to break the silence. Emmett slowly got up, letting go of me and reached over to the chair, getting my jeans and shirt from this morning. I reached for them and thanked him.

"I don't mean to be rude or nothing but..um..Get the fuck out." They laughed and filed out of the room, leaving me on my own for the first time since I got the news.

I sat there and looked over myself. I looked the same, but nothing was. Getting up was a chore in itself with every fibre of my brain yelling to 'get the fuck back in the bed'. I went into the restroom and proceeded to strip and wash my face and body. Walking back into the room I painfully put my clothes on and rued the day I bought the converse that I attempted to lace up at that moment. Deciding to not put my contacts in, I slid my Clark Kent-esk glasses on my head and threw my hair in a bun. Looking more zombie than human, I deemed myself ready to greet the world and let he guys back in.

"Ready to go Bells?" Charlie asked while helping me into the protocol wheelchair.

"Yeah, I just want to get out of this dump." I said truthfully. Emmett wheeled the chair and Charlie held my hand as we made our way to the exit. At the door, the nurse took the chair back and we filed into the rental car.

"Sorry it's nothing flashy, this was all they had at a moment's notice" Charlie joked. The car was...quaint. it was three doors and red. 'Nuff said.

"I think this is an upgrade to my truck to be honest" I commented. I thought back to my truck.

"Dad?" I croaked. I caught eye-contact with Charlie in the rear view mirror. "Yeah, hun?" he said, half looking at the road, half looking at me.

"Do you think I will be able to drive my truck again?" I asked. _Could I drive my truck again? If I'm going to die, I might not be allowed_.

"Let's take it one step at a time baby. You don't know what tomorrow will bring, ok?" I nodded in response. Looking out the window and silently flipping Forks, Washington, the bird for the not so pleasant memories. It was decided to get my shit at the house first and then get food in the airport. This idea was protested against by myself and Emmett, but Charlie didn't want to 'beat around the fucking bush' and prolong the inevitable. And so twenty minutes after leaving the hospital we arrived at the door step of the devils chambers...I mean, home.


	4. Chapter 4: The taste of Freedom

**Hey everyone **** I will first off apologise for my lack of updating these past few months but I had a family bereavement (including my Granda) and other problems and I lost my imagination and inspiration. But, good news its back :D The plan is to update once a week, maybe two if I'm lucky, regularly. Secondly I would like to thank everyone that has shortlisted this story and favourited it as well. Also for those few that have reviewed, I LOVE YOU GUYS. But I would LOVE if anyone that reads it would also review, I want to know what you think of the story so I can incorporate criticism and shit like that. Thirdly, this chapter is going to be short, it's kinda just me getting back into the swing of things and I promise that the next one will be longer ;) **

**So yeah, that's my introduction and again sorry for the wait...**

**weetabex**

"Emmett, if you don't sit down in the next few seconds I will turn homicidal. Oh for fuck sake, the woman's coming over. Jesus Christ. Why didn't I wrap it that night?" My dad shrank into his chair, and attempted to cover his face, as the air hostess came over to us.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to sit down, the cabin crew have to do their take off procedures. "She said as politely as she could, this was not the first time that she came over.

"I'm just looking for something..." Emmett said and looked at her nametag "...Trudy, and then I will." he continued to empty his bag onto the chair that, not ten minutes previous, he had put in the overhead compartment.

"FOUND IT!" after finding his IPod, he sat down and turned it on.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to turn this off." Trudy said with a sigh. Charlie leaned into my ear.

"Bella, kill me now and then plead for insanity." He whispered and I silently shuck with laughter.

"Will do, hold still and it will be as clean as possible." I retorted as Emmett dramatically put his IPod away and Trudy finally left our company, for what would not be the last time on this flight.

"_Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard flight FR-1459 to Phoenix, Arizona..."_ I drowned out the flight brief and closed my eyes suddenly remembering all the shit that went down only two hours ago.

_We made our way, begrudgingly, up the drive way and using my key, I let us in. There standing at the entrance of the hall way was none other than the bitch-in-heat and the bitch-in-training. _

_They stood mirror image to each other with their arms folded and eyes narrowed. Emmett, being the tool he was, ran up to Tanya and hugged her. She recoiled in disgust._

"_What, no hug and kiss for your big bro?" He asked, knowing the answer: Tanya disliked affection. From family members only._

_Charlie and Renee were in some sort of a staring battle between each other and the tension was building. Without even breaking eye contact, Renee addressed me._

"_All your stuff is packed up and is waiting for you in your room, have a nice flight and life Isabella." It spoke. I laughed, untimely I might add, at her harshness. And proceeded to pass her by and walk up to my now old room. Emmett followed suit and Charlie stayed downstairs to battle it out, our side was winning._

_As we walked up into the room, I saw that when she said 'packed' she really meant 'shoved into three suitcases and two boxes'. _

"_Is that it?" Emmet asked, bewilidered by the fact all my belongings fitted into these tiny means of storage._

"_Yup, let's get the fuck out of here" I said and attempted to lift up a box. _

_Emmett stopped me and took it himself, in protest I grabbed it off him but, for the second time today, I underestimated his strength and he whipped the box out of my hand._

"_You will never learn. Here bring down that suitcase. It's the smallest one so the odds of you damaging a bone are slightly slimmer" he mocked_

"_I would go on steroids and do weights just to kick you in the balls right this second" laughing he walked down the stairs telling me of my lack of skills in the art of ball-kicking. _

_After three trips, the things were in the car and we were almost ready to go. We went back into the house to collect Charlie who was still silently fighting. _

"_Dad, were all done. You ready?" Emmett was the one to break the silence. Renee broke concentration and looked at us. Doing a little victory dance in my head that we had won, I took Charlie by the arm and all but dragged him out of the house. _

_Tanya was the one to start the water works. Nothing to do with her sister dying and moving out mind you, but because I was breaking up the family once again._

"_How can you do this, you selfish bitch? I can't believe we shared the same womb or even the same blood." She was consoled by Renee as I looked at her straight in the eye and laughed._

"_Ditto, bitch." I said, and turned and climbed into the car._

_Freedom never tasted any better._

"_Charlie, I hope you know this will not hold up in court, Bella will be back here in no time." Renee sniped._

"_Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? I am a lawyer for Christ sake. I have so much dirt on you that you will not even see a judge." With that, he climbed in and slammed the door behind him and drove off. _

"_What dirt do you have on her?" Emmett asked from his seat in the front._

"_Sweet fuck all, she's a dumb bitch and I took a chance. I'm kind of intrigued as to what secrets she keeps under her freshly manicured nails now. " Charlie responded, laughing, as he drove to the Airport. Our flight was booked in the hospital and so we had an hour and half until take off._

During my reliving of memories, I must have fell asleep because the next thing I knew, Charlie was waking me up gently.

"Sweetie, were here. Come on lets go." Emmett, on the other hand, had a different method of approach. Even though I was clearly awake, he still wanted to test them out.

"BELLA, get UP!" He shook my brains out of my ears, or so it felt like. Charlie, bless him, clattered him across his head and didn't hurt himself.

"I didn't drop you as a baby, so you must be naturally thick. For Fuck sake Emmett, she's only out of hospital." Charlie whispered-shouted and turned back to me. helping me out of the chair, he took my bags and we got preceded to the door of the plane.

BAM! Just like that, the heat of the Arizona state hit me. it was a shock to my system but a welcoming shock. Emmett took my hand and helped me down the stairs and onto the runway.

"Jan and Greg said they would pick us up from arrivals," Charlie let me know.

"Will Jazz be there?" I asked, curious of whether I would see my best friend.

"Would you think that he wouldn't?" Emmett retorted. I playfully punched him while doing a fake laugh and saying he was 'so funny'. I suddenly had a train of thought.

"I don't want anyone to know." I stated, as we walked over to the baggage pick up belt.

"Know what hun?" Charlie asked. Emmett was wheeling the trolley to stack the bags onto.

"Know that I might die. Not even the Whitlocks. _NO_ body. I want to keep it secret as long as we can." Charlie had other ideas.

"No way Bella, you need your friends right now and you can't keep them in the dark." He responded.

"Your right, I DO want my friends. Not people who feel sorry for me. and spend their day taking pity on the dying girl. This might possibly be my last summer and I want to enjoy it. Ok?" I said, neither of them answering me. I stopped us in the middle of the airport, and tried again.

"OK?" I said a second time, they both nodded silently and we continued to the belt.

Twenty minutes later, I was on top of the suitcases on the trolley while Emmett fulfilled his fantasy as manic trolley driver.

"Emmett, Emmett, EMMETT! Slow down!" I shouted at him but to no avail, he was concentrating too hard. We got to the doors of arrivals when I began to get nervous. This was it, my home and this is where I wanted to be and needed to be. A strange sense of warmth spread through me.


	5. Chapter 5: Home Sweet Home

**Well m'dears I'm back! Here's another chapter to my story :) Please, Please, Please review it. I cannot stress how needed your thoughts are on this story as this is my first one really. so again PLEASE :D**

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Walking through the doors of the arrivals ,I was expecting the Whitlocks to be there and greeting me warmly. But what I didn't anticipate was them to greet me with an embarrassingly big and colorful banners that read " WELCOME HOME BELLA!"

Still sitting on the suit case trolley, I prayed that Emmett would crash it and that I would fall into a spontaneous hole in the ground that would transport me home. Therefore I would not have to face these people who had yet to see me.

I contemplated crawling into one of the suit cases when Rose, the fucking whore-traitor, made a grand jester towards us signalling to the herd that we had been found. The whore, whom I solemnly swear I will never speak to, galloped over half dragging poor Jasper who was holding the other half of the big-ass sign.

Emmett let go of the trolley and went to greet my declared enemy in a true Rosie-Emmett moment but, to everyone and Jesus' surprise, she ran past Em and I realized too late that I was the target of her death hug.

"Bells! Oh My God! Your Here!" she screamed in my face in a bat-shit crazy way. Overwhelmed by my emotions of the day, and throwing out all ambitions of hating her, I threw myself off the trolley, almost breaking a hip bone, and into her arms. The arms of my true sister. When our sentimental moment was up, I looked her in the eyes.

"Bitch, you spat in my face! Its bad enough I was cooped up in an airplane with these two oafs but you decide to share DNA? Not cool." I replied while pretending to wipe off spit from my face. As other people walked passed us, they must have been horrified that I had greeted someone in such a rude way. But Rose being Rose, she didn't bat an eye and continued our faux-bitch banter.

"Like I would ever want to share DNA with a whore. My DNA has standards you know" she retorted with her hands on her hips and her bitch-stare. I held her stare for all of two seconds and then we both broke and hugged, laughing that we still had it.

"You never had it , you weirdos. I'm ashamed I'm related to either of you"" came a voice from behind Rose. I knew that voice from anywhere, and whipped around Rose to see my other half. My best friend on this planet, correction: Galaxy, correction: Infinity and beyond.

Knowing it was inevitable, Jasper opened his arms as I sprinted the short distance to him. Picking me up, he twirled us around as the dam broke and every tear that had threatened to fall since the hospital decided now was a good time.

"hey, hush up on the water works Isabella. We have an audience." Jasper set me down but didn't want the hug to end either so he held me against his chest.

"Bells, come on its time to get you home." My dad put his hand on my back and directed me, with Jasper still holding my waist and half-hugging me, to the car.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. And Mrs. Whitlock standing and ran over to them.

"Hey sweet girl, how you doing?" Mrs Whitlock asked, she was the mother I had always wanted and would always stay like that as well.

"Oh, you know. Same old, same old" I said, forcing myself to grin at least something resembling a smile. _ Not. _ She laughed and hugged me. _well my lying skills must be better than i thought_.

"Stop hogging the poor girl Bernadette. I'm sure she enjoys breathing" said Charlies best friend and another father-figure to me. Mrs. Whitlock, let go of me and waved her husband off, causing us to chuckle.

"its good to see you too Mr. Whitlock" I said, making sure he was in on the hugging action as well.

"Bells, your dad said to get you, Emmett getting restless" Jasper approached me from behind and grabbed my waist, steering me in the direction of the parking lot.

"Go on, love. Well meet you at your house. Rose and Jasper are riding with you." Mrs Whitlock said waving to us as we went. The walk to the parking lot was tiring. Albeit it was only ten minutes long, but it was tiring for a fainting recoverer. It gave me and Jazz to catch up on all things us.

"So, I have a girlfriend" Jasper said, breaking the ice. I squeezed his waist with the hand that was wrapped around it.

"I know you dofus. You told me straight after you asked her four months ago. Her names Alice. She is my new next door neighbour. Shes in your class. Her favorite color is Pink and you love her"I listed off everything that he had told me over the countless times we had talked about said Alice.

"Yeah, yeah. Calm your tits smarty pants. I talk about her a lot. I'm looking into getting help for it. OK Happy?" he said while manoeuvring his hand that was around my shoulders into giving me a nugget. I jokingly pushed away from him and punched him in the gut. But he grabbed me back and we continued our half-walking, half-hugging.

"Overjoyed. So when do I get to meet this lovely Alice that has you swooning like a twelve-year-old?" I asked looking up at him.

"Oh shut your trap. Hopefully Sunday, she's away with her family for the weekend. " he said, he had this glaze over in his eyes when he spoke of her. It was cute that my little Shauny Cassidy was loved up and nice to see that love like that existed.

"But she defiantly exists, right?" that earned me another nugget and him another push.

We walked in silence for the rest of the to the car, where an impatient Emmett sat with an irritated Charlie and an uncaring Rose.

"'Bout fucking time, i thought you two were off humping somewhere in a bush." Emmett in all his glory people. I looked at him in disgust. _Me + Jasper = Eww...not worth thinking about._

That comment ment he got a smack of Rose and a thump off Charlie. Thank god some people were coming to my defence.

"Watch your mouth." Charlie gave out.

"Hey!." Shouted Jasper.

"Yeah, and don't put mental images in mine, or anybody's head, of Bella and Jasper... you know...at '_it'..._" _THAT, was my defence? Oh, fuck me. _Jasper gut-punched my idiot of a brother for even insinuating such an unlawful act.

"OW, you bastard." Emmett whaled. Another smack by Rose. I had enough.

"Oh, for fuck sake. Can we JUST go _home_?" my little out burst silenced everyone, even Emmett who hand was mid-air ready to attack Jasper back. He turned around into the passenger seat and Charlie started the car. _Fifteen minute journey Bella, fifteen minutes_.

They were the longest fifteen minutes of my life! Good god. In that short space of time:

Emmett had managed to fart not once, but twice.

Rose had managed to curse at least seven times , because of part a).

My dad had almost crashed, also because of part a).

Getting out of the car was a god sent and I walked up the familiar steps of my home. Forks was never my home, but merely a place that I would stay at until I was going home again. With the help of the four men, all my belongings were brought up in one trip, up to my bedroom. As I walked in I saw that there was nothing new, except new bed-clothes. All my signed concert tickets were still on the wall, next to my countless pictures of failed family adventures and of my friends. And there in the corner was my beautiful semi-acoustic fender that was not allowed to be brought to Forks as it was not deemed "pretty enough" I know, what the fuck?

"last one bells". Jasper brought up the last box and sat on my double bed. I wondered where had all the rest of the helpers gone but then I smelled Mrs. Whitlocks homemade lasagna and had my answer.

I joined Jasper on my bed and we lay down looking up at my ceiling as my stick on stars began to twinkle.

"You know, if you stare at one of the stars, it disappears and the bright light you see is of another star beside it." He said, in all his wisdom-ness. I looked at him incredulously and laughed at his smartness and also randomness.

"What? I like facts. Fucking. Sue me." that made me laugh harder that he now felt the need to defend his nerdy ness.

After a minute of Jasper pouting and me suppressing my giggles, we lay in silent.

"You know I know something is up right? " _bollox, no I did not_ _Mr. Whitlock_. I decided to play dumb.

"I don't know what you are talking about Jazz" I bit my lip, secretly hoping he would drop it.

"Bull shit Bella. I know something was wrong by the water work display. If you cant tell me, who can you tell?" _fuck. Telepathic mofo_.

"Jasper, nothing is going on. Ok? I'm on my period if you must know. Now lets drop it and go down and get some grub." _Good thinking bells, blame mother nature. _ I made a move to get off the bed but when I say that I was alone I started at Jasper. His eyes were shut and he had his thinking face on. That is, he was jutting his top lip out and over his bottom.

"well then, why did you come back? Why today, why so suddenly? What had this Friday got that you decided to come home? Huh? I cant help but wonder as a concerned person here." He was starting to get angry.

"if you don't want me to be back, will you just say it straight then instead of questioning everything that I do?" I shot off the bed and rounded the room to the door.

"You havent been back in months and then out of the blue Emmett is called home from school and him and your dad head to Forks for the day and come back with you and all your shit. Some one who knows you Bella, even sometimes more than your self would know that there was something fishy in the works and I demand to know WHAT IT IS." He said, raising his voice at the end. I turned around so slowly due to the shock of his statement

"You _demand? _Your _demanding _me? you have some set of balls Jasper Whitlock to demand me to do anything. If you must know: I AM FUCKING DYING, you COMPLETE and utter DICKHEAD. That's your fucking _DEMAND_ answered asshole." With that i ran out the door and down the stairs. Past everyone down stairs whom I knew heard everything that was just said. I could tell by their faces. I ran out the back door and to the only place in the world that could ease my pain and sorrows: my pool. I jumped in and vowed not to surface again. End this damned life and not suffer.


	6. Chapter 6: An encounter with an Angel

You can hate me all you want for not updating, i accept that i am a bad person. Mid-terms took up more time than anticipated so for it i apologies. This chapter is only short, because its... me really. i'm having a bad case of writers block cause its been that long :P

I urge everyone that reads to review because i want to hear the feedback of the how you think the story is going and other things from readers. Please, pwetty pwease? OK, ill stop, enjoy :)

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As a child, I was able to sit at the bottom of the pool for what felt like an eternity then. Much to the dismay of Charlie and Renee, who on a few occasions had jumped in thinking there was something wrong. But they learned that it was my way of dealing with things. When grandpa Swan dies when I was 13, I cried in the pool because to me it made sense that the pool would wash my tears away.

That was the case now, as I sat down fully clothed on the bottom. My intention was to never surface because it would be easier for everyone in the house and in Forks.

I heard a splash and knew that someone was in the pool, but when I opened my eyes I saw this white light and a figure I didn't recognise swim towards me, in the depths of the pool. It was dark out, so I knew it had to have been an angel.

_I didn't even know I had died. That was not painful at all._ I smiled because it was over, I wouldn't have to endure the pity or the pain that was to come. The angel swam closer and closer until they were right in my face. From the looks it was a male one and he was beautiful. He checked me over as best he could in the pool and grabbed my waist. Planting both feet on the pool floor, he kicked up and not three seconds later, we had surfaced. It dawned on me: I was not dead. He was not an angel. I _hated_ this guy.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing?" I asked, as he was still holding me up. I pushed the demon-angels (a name I felt fit the situation) arms off me and swam to the side. Only to be greeted by Jasper and Emmett, who each took an arm of mine, and pulled me up in my protest. Jasper had a towel and wrapped me in it, hugging me to him at the same time. I slumped into his arms and cried.

The demon-angel got out of the water effortlessly and came over to where Jasper and I were standing. He grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

"Are you ok? You had me worried. I saw you jump in but you didn't resurface." He was out of breath. The demon-angel, Jasper and Emmett looked at me for my response.

"I would have been if you hadn't interfered!" I yelled at him.

"Interfered, I was saving your life. You jumped into a pool and didn't come back up. What was I supposed to THINK?!" He screamed back.

"Ehh...start with, it's none of your FUCKING BUSINESS and walk _away_."

"Bells, what the hell were you thinking, you could have died." Emmett saw the need to pipe up. Jasper hugged me closer to his chest, which got a funny look off demon-angel.

"Bella, why did you do that?" Jasper asked in a quieter tone than the rest of us. _Well that was a stupid question now, Jasper_. I looked up at him in confusion.

"You know why I did it. And I would have gone through with it, if it wasn't for this bozo." I said, pointing to the person that saved me when I didn't want to be saved.

"This _bozo_ saved your life, the least you could do is thank me." said bozo pointed to himself.

"If I had asked to be saved, well then yes I would have said thank you. But it wasn't your place. It was my decision to do it. It wouldn't have affected you."

"It wouldn't have affected - ? Bella, do you hear yourself? If it wasn't for _Edward_ we would be having a very different conversation, that wouldn't involve you at this point." He raised his voice and grabbed my shoulders, forcing _Edward_ to let go, looking me square in the eye. His voice quieted down.

"Bella that must be the most selfish thing you have said. You are my sister and I love you. Not only me but Rose, and Jasper and the Whitlock's and _Dad_. Bells, you can't have this frame of mind, I will not stand by it and have to keep an eye out on you. "

"Bells, your here with people that love you. Please see that we understand what you are going through. This isn't Forks." Jasper said, hugging me tighter and resting his cheek on my head. If that Bozo looked at us funny one more time...

I had enough. "Yous can't imagine what I am feeling, none of you." I broke out of the hold they had me in a walked into the house. I bypassed the prying eyes of the people in the house and walked up to room. I heard my dad call me but I didn't listen to him and just kept walking up the stairs to regroup.

_Ok, my plan didn't work and now I have to deal with the three musker-dopes and their plans to keep me alive. Not one of them understands that to stay alive is to be put on a list and wait until someone kicks the bucket with a good heart and my blood type. Not one of them understand that _if, if_ that happens I will have endure a life time of loneliness. While they are out have babies and love-lives I will be alone because nobody will love a person with multiple scars on her chest from multiple surgeries and who's also a walking pharmacy. _

Yeah, life's good.


End file.
